Oil, coal and natural gas are running out. Ice caps and glaciers are melting. The bees have found a more habitable planet (maybe). Alongside these man-made armageddons, might we face the difficult reality in 2018 that all decent band names have now been used? Yes, the concept of what constitutes a ‘good’ band name can be dismissed as subjective, and The Beatles is either a lame pun or it’s genius. However…

What if there’s nowhere else to go on the name front? My inbox constantly fills with FOMO promo for bands, oftentimes with names straight from a random cliché generator, or the Little Book of Meh. It would be so easy here to take a free kick at the shocking band names I’ve encountered over the years, but I’m feeling magnanimous. Instead, I’ll just be thankful for Ned’s Atomic Dustbin and ramble on.

We’ll never actually run out of band names – just appealing or memorable ones. Enough words exist for artists to call themselves something as long as there are notes on staves. Might people resort to Googlewhacking (it’s actually a thing, and not a euphemism) and call their bands something like Francophile Namesakes (math-rock?) or Unreconstructive Superegos (defo post-hardcore)?

Bandcamp’s recent end-of-year observations were that ‘Atlas’ was the most popular word in a contemporary Bandcamp-ed name, whereas the most popular newly-uploaded band words were ‘Apollo’, ‘Grim’ and ‘Bloom’. So as the Four Horsemen approach, listening to Apollo Bloom & The Grim Atlases on their AirPods, remember that there is one area that’ll outlive the band name apocalypse for a while at least – that being cover bands; in that realm, you simply take an existing name and ruin it. It’ll be Vag Halen, Pity The Foo and The Red Hot Silly Feckers at the end-of-the-world party – get used to it.